Frustrated

Couldn't sleep tonight, lots of stuffs were running through my mind. Things I don't want to think about, things that will only make me cry, things that I shouldn't expect. Too many were running through my mine now, I felt so suffocated, and yet, there's nothing I can seek console and comfort from. And here I am, telling myself repeatedly not to cry, it just makes me look weak, and I hate it. I hate the fact that nowadays, I'm so week and fragile. Every word, every action, every thought, is enough to send me into fits of crying and mental breakdown. And there is no one to blame for that, but myself. I hate that I made myself so weak and fragile and lonely, when I used to be alone most of the time before this. I don't know since when I have become like this, not being able to go through without his company the whole day, cried when he never call or text me, go into a depression state when I don't know what he did or what is he doing, gets upset over every small matter. I really don't know when I became like this. I felt so broken now. I guess it's true when they say love brings you happiness and hurt, it comes together. I wished I could go back to being myself before, independent. It takes time, to go back to how I used to, when I'm so used to this, but it's what I have to do.