Sunday, February 24, 2013

Frustrated

Couldn't sleep tonight, lots of stuffs were running through my mind. Things I don't want to think about, things that will only make me cry, things that I shouldn't expect. Too many were running through my mine now, I felt so suffocated, and yet, there's nothing I can seek console and comfort from. And here I am, telling myself repeatedly not to cry, it just makes me look weak, and I hate it. I hate the fact that nowadays, I'm so week and fragile. Every word, every action, every thought, is enough to send me into fits of crying and mental breakdown. And there is no one to blame for that, but myself. I hate that I made myself so weak and fragile and lonely, when I used to be alone most of the time before this. I don't know since when I have become like this, not being able to go through without his company the whole day, cried when he never call or text me, go into a depression state when I don't know what he did or what is he doing, gets upset over every small matter. I really don't know when I became like this. I felt so broken now. I guess it's true when they say love brings you happiness and hurt, it comes together. I wished I could go back to being myself before, independent. It takes time, to go back to how I used to, when I'm so used to this, but it's what I have to do.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

6/2/2013

The hardest thing I did today, was holding back the tears that has been there since the starting of our new semester. Holding back the tears, that was ever ready to drop, the tears that has since been there for a long time..The breakdown that you never saw before.
I felt so hurt, when you ignored me and continued playing with my handphone. I thought you knew, before we coupled, the thing I couldn't stand the most was me beside you, and you ignore me to play games. Yeah, I know you did not totally ignored me. You were talking to me while looking at the handphone screen. It hurts you know? You told me before, if you were playing games, and I'm sulking at you, I can just tell you. I don't know how many times I've told you I hate it when we are together and you took my phone and play games. If you wanted to play so much, then why ask me out and said you wanted to see me or talk to me at the first place? Seriously, I hate it. When I see you, or when we are together, all I want is just for the both of us to sit down and talk, looking at each other's eyes. How many times has it been, where I had to ask you to put away the phone?? I'm not trying to be sarcastic or scolding you, please, I'm asking you, I'm begging you to not play with my phone when we are together, Please, I'm begging you...It's hurting me a lot. I really don't know how to tell you face to face, i don't want to end up with me losing my temper because of such small matters, and killing our relationship or worse, ending it. It's not worth it, to throw away all that we had just because of this. I know I'm being really childish now, I can't help it. I'm sorry. I was quite the whole two hour, my arms were crossed, I was hurt inside, but I didn't know how to open my mouth and tell you. I really hope you can understand. I can't take it you know, the fact that we are spending lesser and lesser time together makes me appreciate and wanting to enjoy every hour, every minute, every second that I spent with you. I hope you feel the same way too....

Monday, February 4, 2013

4/2/2013

10.19pm.
Just came back from having dinner with him awhile ago, and now I'm sitting in front of my laptop and looking at Chemistry II notes. Well, considering how much I got for last semester, I've got lots and lots of reading and revisions to do this semester. I can't possibly let him beat me again in this semester's finals,right?? (But, I got to say he is damn, freaking smart!! Seriously, do not underestimate him...) =P
Tried reading the notes, with music in the background, a beautiful and cool night, with a cup of coffee. I have to say, this sounds perfect, doesn't it? But, I guess, in every perfect moment, there is bound to be something that ruin it. And well, I hate to admit this, (and I probably think that anyone reading this would be thinking that I'm a girl that is plain obsessed with her boyfriend) but I feel lonely without him. I don't know why, there are too many reasons that I don't know which is the one that cause me to be like this. There are so many things running in my mind now, I couldn't even process it. Sigh...
Maybe it was the fact that we no longer used to hang out every night like we used to, before this. Sometimes, I just kinda missed those days where we'll meet every night, same place, same time, and there is no need for us to ask each other :"Hey, are you free at 8.30pm??" or "Let's meet at xxx at 8.30pm". I missed those days..those days where we know that at that certain time, we'll meet at the same place, sitting at the same spot, every single day, every single night. Because we know that time is meant for us only, and nothing is ever gonna get in the way of us meeting up.
But now, I'm just kind of almost repeating the same cycle everyday: wake up, lectures, walk back room, stare at the laptop for hours while waiting for you to text me and ask me out for dinner. It gets real lonely after awhile, sometimes, I just feel like we lost those sweet moments of ours. Sigh, guess nothing is perfect??
Well, life goes on, I've got to stop focus on what's happening. Not to say that I'm going to forget how we used to be, but rather, focus on what we are having now. Not to mention learning to be strong and independent when I'm alone and you are busy, so that you need not worry about me always, cause you know I'll be doing fine and okay.
Who knows, maybe next semester we are going to go back to how we used to be in the first semester?? =D

Saturday, February 2, 2013

RX2

Hehehehhee...
Bby, Hansel & Gretel awesome right?? Hihi, who choose the movie?? ^_^#
It was nice watching movies with you dear, we cuddle cuddle and watch together. Then we shared the jacket, nice Bby, I toasty warm, not feeling cold at all. ^_^#
Bby, we go cinema watch movies again want?? Hehehehehhehee...now got lots of movies, we go watch all!! But I don't want scary and horror ones.. >_<
Then after movies we go shopping!! I drag you with me!! I want i want!! Hahahhakk...I drag you into every store, Padini, Esprit, F.O.S., Cotton On...Hehehehhee..
Hmmm..what other dates can we go for?? Movie date we do that usually..Cycling?? Walking at lake there?? I know i know!! We go on a eating date!!  Then whole day we go eat only!! You feed munchie kutty!! Hehehehe...Hulala!! I want this date!! We KIV for next anniversary!! Hmm..what else?? *Think think...* Don't know Bby, you give some ideas, we do that for our next date. Yeah! ^_^#

Love you Bby, I'm so happy zappy yesterday. Some more, you called me and asked me to go on a date with you. Should have seen my expression Bby, I was in Cloud 9... Love you Bby!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Baby....

Rising up in the early morning
Your thoughts are always on my mind
Time is dragging insanely slowly
Till the day we're together again
Distance always makes me worse
Separation is a curse
Bodily we're worlds apart
And there's yearning in my heart
Words are useless to show excitement
That I'll be there again
Time oh time will you rush ahead
And take away my pain

Dearest dearest
You're the light of my life
Dearest dearest
Guiding my dreams to come alive
Always there to lend a hand
Now and forever together we stand
I need you baby all the time
We'll never be parted you're mine for life

Struggling in loneliness
Anticipating our meeting
Your kiss makes me happy
I live in your embrace

Paris Tokyo London Houston
And many more were my destination
Oh did I fly around the world
Leaving my love in a lonely world
You're the only one that I admire
Holding you tight is my desire
Only my eyes were shut and sleeping
My heart was wide awake and yearning
So many I've met in my life long journey
But nobody great as you my baby
Everyday surrounded by many
Still I'm so lonely

Baby, I wanna love you my whole life
You gotta be my lady
Because with you it feels so right
I said (Baby...)

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day baby!!!

January 14th – Diary Day (Couples are meant to give each other a diary or year planner thing, and note down all the rest of these lovely gift-giving days.)
Hmmmmmm....I have a Mickey Mouse themed planner. Yeah, can jot down every single moments that we went through. Then we read together again at the end of the year. ^ ^
February 14th – Valentine’s Day (In contrast to Western society, today is traditionally when women give chocolates to their men and confess their love.)
But baby, I haven't figure ut which is the chocolate you like. Huhuhuhu...Never mind, I'll try my best to find out. Do some digging and stalking. Hehehheheh... ^ ^
March 14th – White Day (Men give candy to the women they love, and flowers and choc and cuddly toys….in fact, anything really!)
Ohhh..I can't wait for this day to come!! I'll get everything,,Heheheheh.. ^ ^ But most important, I just want you..
April 14th – Black Day (For those singletons out there, who haven't received choc or candy so far, console yourselves by eating black foods.)
We are not celebrating this, right?? 0___0
May 14th – Rose Day / Yellow Day (Couples exchange roses, and those lonely hearts gather for companionship. Apparently dressing in yellow is also recommended.)
Yeah! I can get a red rose!! Hmm...but I have no yellow colour shirt..
June 14th – Kiss Day (As one site puts it: ‘Lovers confess their feelings to one another and kiss passionately.’ Just another excuse to make out really!!)
Heheheh...I'm not gonna say anything about this one... ^ ^
July 14th – Silver Day (Couples exchange gifts made of silver, and announce their relationship.)
Uh-oh...I'm not ready for this yet..Wait another few years, after I prove myself I'm worthy of you..
August 14th – Green Day (Couples are supposed to dress in green, and walk outside.)
Yes, a great excuse to pull you out and go for a walk with me in the park.
September 14th – Photo & Music Day (Couples take photographs together, then in the evening go out with friends.)
Oo..We take lots of pictures..Come come!!
October 24th – Wine Day
But we don't drink....
November 14th – Movie Day & Orange Day
We go watch movie!!! I can cuddle cuddle with you!!
December 14th – Hug Day (It’s almost end of the year,  remember to hug your lover.)
Yeah, I want hugs!!!